Even if it began as the ultimate love story a great relationship can still go stale. Love is not all butterflies in the stomach and candle lit dinners. It’s a commitment. You have to work at it to keep the magic alive. The love may still be present but if you don’t work at it, the relationship can go south – fast.
You may be wondering what causes this change. Why do most relationships go sour after a certain amount of time? What causes the magic to disappear? If you are faced with a similar problem in your relationship right now let me give you 3 reasons why relationships go stale.
Too much familiarity
The beginning of most relationships is usually an exciting time for couples. It is during this time that the new couple gets to know each other and discover new things together. It is during the “getting to know” phase when both parties put their best foot forward and make an effort to impress each other.
But over time, the novelty disappears and you may be content with doing the same things over and over again. You become too familiar with each other, too comfortable in the relationship that you cease to exert effort to make things better. As a result you become stuck in a rut.
Small problems
It is not only the big problems that threaten a relationship. When couples are dealing with a big problem they tend to tread carefully and do all they can to resolve it. This is why most big problems end up getting fixed. The small problems, on the other hand get pushed to the background.
They get taken for granted and as result they don’t get fixed. Sometime it is the little things that wear a relationship down.
Boredom
Once the thrill of a new relationship fades, boredom can set in. Starting a relationship is easy. Everything is new and exciting. But maintaining it is another story. You need to have a good foundation if you want to your relationship to stand the test of time.
Once routine kicks in things can get boring fast. Both of you have to commit to finding ways to keep the flame alive our sheer boredom will end up eating your relationship alive.
Lack of romance
In the beginning of the relationship the romance is there. Both parties make an effort to be sweet to each other. They have candle lit dinners, take long walks on the beach and snuggle in front of the fire place. They surprise each other with little gifts, make long phone calls and send sweet messages.
But after a while most couples just stop doing these things. They don’t bother to make the effort anymore. Every relationship needs romance. Without it the magic is bound to fizzle out.
In every relationship it is important to keep demonstrating your love for each other. It is not enough that you love your partner. You also have to show it. You have to demonstrate your love through actions and words. Most couples take for granted the importance of actions. They assume that it’s enough that their partners no they love them.
But remember that your partner is human too. People often need to be assured that they are loved. They need to feel secure. Most importantly don’t take your partner for granted. This can be the worst thing you can do. Always make your partner feel cherished and loved and your relationship may last a lifetime.
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Article by AmyFountain
Amy C. is an interior decoration aficionado and online marketer. She also likes testing and trying new home and office decorating themes. In addition to being an interior decoration hobbyist, she enjoys designing calming indoor fountains and glass art. Amy invites you to browse her delightful collection of glass vases.
Amy has written 2 awesome posts for Problogging Success.
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I heard that if one approaches a long standing relationship much like it was during the courtship stage, things will not get stale. It might take effort but the end results are worth it.
Not all the time…going back somehow means denial. Why not try to spice your relationship with things that will interest you both again in a newer perspective. However, it could also work. No harm in trying
I agree with Clint! When things are getting stale, I find that it’s best to go back to the beginning. Meet for a “first date” in the bar and pretend you’ve never met one another before - it works wonders, I swear
Don’t wait for your relation to be stale. Everyday treat your partners as if it will be the last day you will be together.
Something one of my friends in high school said is that a relationship is like a math equation. Both numbers (people) have to be positive for it to work, because just one negative brings the answer to zero! I think this is one contributing factor to relationships going stale or ending, because one of the people starts to feel differently - even if the other doesn’t.
~Kayla
Exactly! Being in a relationship means you are in synchronicity despite of your differences. However, if one feels differently, your harmonious relationship will be at stir for sure
Hi, Amy,
I am in marriage for over a year and doing pretty well with it, I can’t complain. Dedication is the key to the continuously quality relationship. I never take my partner for granted, and I am glad your advice also involves this tip, as it is, by my humble opinion, probably the most important factor in the relationship.
Kristina L. recently posted..iNetVideo Coupon Code
Exactly. Love is not just a warm fuzzy feeling. Its a commitment and a decision
Im glad your relationship is going great
Great article Amy!
It’s very important to know where are you going in the relationship! It’s not only the fun but it needs productivity and growth. It takes two walking on the same path!
Thanks for sharing,
John
John Mak recently posted..Citrix Promo
No problem jon. Glad to be of help
Relationships are works in progress
I think you are right about the importance of romance, Amy! This is exactly what I experience after having kids and not being able to spend too much of quality time with my husband. I am aware that we should try to bring back the romance, but we are too tired.
But as John says it takes two of us.
Anna recently posted..Is your unborn baby “sucking” all the strenght out of your teeth?
According to my experience because of the following reasons the relations go stale
selfishness
lack of sacrifice
more expectation
Nawaz recently posted..Fred Meyers Jewelers
My fiancee and I have been together for 10 years, we’ve both cheated on each other in the past, and both regretted it, but now we both agree that looking for someone else is behind us, we’re only interested in each other now. BUT, we do make sure there is plenty of romance, spice things up often, and always talk at least once a day (long distance relationship for now)
Rough Blogger recently posted..Government Won’t Shut Social Networks
Yup. It takes work. but its wort it
a very honest and brutally frank post…
many a times, we wonder what went wrong in our relationship..i guess this one holds the answer..sigh!
pri recently posted..obsession
Just try to do something fun and spontaneous. Or go on a trip if you rarely do that. It’s so much fun. Just try to keep the relationship as dynamic as you can.
Andrew Walker recently posted..Brooklyn Battery Works Coupon Code
I agree, Try to go in a vacation once every quarter or month. Spend quality time with each other.
but i like stale relationships. enough of volatile, emotional relationships that result in failure and heartbreak.after all your deepest closest relationships are those that u take for granted -like ur own family
sandy recently posted..Thanks, but no thanks.
I know I agree with the post, when the relation ship is getting stale, I feel one of the them have to start to know how to avoid the differences and to to make the relation ship healthier. I feel its important nobody likes making the relation stale. Not only the above tips will make it fresh but also will help in improving the same.
Lea G recently posted..Period pain relief at home without medication it’s possible!
Well as for me relationship is an on going courtship for both party involve. In that way you’ll be able to keep the romance alive and kicking.
adam recently posted..Tagalog Love Quotes Collection
Clint: Yeah. I agree with you. The main reason why most relationships go stale is because both parties tend to take each other for granted. If we just exert effort to keep the flame alive then its going to be worth it
@clint: I agree with you, Clint. What usually happens with most couples is that they tend to take each other for granted over time. If they would only exert the same amount of effort in the relationship like they did during the courtship stage then the relationship would become strong.
@anna: Why not try to surprise your husband? Whisk him away on a romantic holiday or cook a simple candlelit dinner for the two of you. As a married guy friend of mine said, “Sometimes I want to feel like I’m coming home to a girlfriend again instead of a wife”.
@nawaz, rough blogger and andrew: yup, being spontaneous is very important if you want to keep the romance alive
@sandy, pri, lea & adam: It takes two to tango. So both parties really have to make the effort ^_^
One thing that escapes couples is the ‘small problems’ you mentioned. Some people deny that the small things can really add up to put pressure on a relationship. Big problems are bad too, but at least with dedication, they are more easily identifiable, thus easier to ‘cure’.
Little niggling things usually get swept under the carpet, and couples become too bitter, festering on and on, without dealing with or addressing them.
Anne Lyken-Garner recently posted..3 Bad Things That Make Good Relationships
Exactly. couples are more careful with the big problems. And they often tend to let small things slide by. Thats why they build up and become big problems
I fully agree with this article. Especially with this sentence. “In every relationship it is important to keep demonstrating your love for each other. It is not enough that you love your partner”
Love must be put into actions. Love without actions, is like an unsung song
Always treat your partner as if you are on the boyfriend - girlfriend relationship. This is the time that you always do too much effort to please your partner. Make him/her feel that you always love him/her.
My marriage has gone completely stale and I dont kno wat to do
We have been married almost two years, togther just over three, iv tried everything and now its gettin me so upset that my husband just starts shouting, blamin me for all sorts because of the way I’m dealing with it as I’m depressed, I’m now on anti depressants, he is just not supportive at all, I may just have to leave him
The first thing you should do is to talk with each other. Try to fix your problems without shouting. Try to be cool.
All relationships are not perfect and what’s matter most is that you accept each other who they really are.
For me, romance is the best factor for every relationship. It’s the thing in a relationship to express how much they mean to each other, how they love each other. With romance alone, it can kill the boredom, sort the small problem.
I’ve always said “the firey dating moments never last”. And to this day I still believe that, but you still have to find ways to impress, surprise, and attract your partner every now and then. Love isn’t built on the first firey moments either. It is ultimately built on communication and understanding in my opinion. And I personally appreciate familiarity. Knowing my wife ‘s worse faults makes me appreciate and shows just how much I do love her because I have mine as well and she still loves me. I’ve also always said “marry someone who you love how they look the first time you lay eyes on them every morning” This is generally when we all look our worst. lol
Aaron recently posted..Infidelity In Marriage
Mine isn’t a problem with the relationship going stale, it’s finding that relationship.
lol
The problem is not in working more on the relationship, the problem is because the couple do not complement each other. I have problem understanding how come there so many confused people that stubornly refuse to see the reality of their relationship.
Vincent
Good collection of problematic areas, Amy.
I recently did a poll of my readers which confirmed the major requirement of a good and stable relationship is very clear communication between both. With the differences between the sexes, if you fail to talk AND understand each other, the issues you mention of romance, small things, boredom and familiarity are greatly exacerbated - you just don’t see it coming.
In the counseling I do, transparent communication and understanding each other’s communication style is a foundation. And add to that, each other’s Life Values forms boundaries around why people ‘do things’.
Nice post.
Martin Cooney recently posted..Romance and Love – How To Cultivate and Get More Relationship Balance
Good advice, I fear that my relationship is suffering from all the above points at the moment… Tough subject to approach though, what if she has had enough?
Mike recently posted..A Most Unusual Home – The Crazy House
I totally agree with the small problems issue and it’s the fact that when you have lots of small issues that are not getting resolved your going to be at each others throats all the time.
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